THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!

Those who know me know of my huge - and completely rational - fear of statues and lawn ornaments. The souless eyes on those bastards unsettle me for hours. As a child, I would have recurrent dreams of the statues at the Catholic school by my house coming to life and chasing me. For being made of stone, those effers were fast.

The scariest of the statue genre, however, was most definitely the Garden Gnome. Not only do they have the soulless eyes, but they have the evil, freaky-ass grin that just screams, "I will kill you while you sleep".

Having said all of that - This? Is not okay...























It's an effing VIBRATOR. Seriously. That shit is the opposite of erotic. Finding this in my bedroom would destroy me for life. What is wrong in this world??